With more and more men choosing to date and/or marry Chinese women it is perhaps necessary to know which ones may be suitable for you, or totally unsuitable for you, before you end up in a position that may be difficult to extricate yourself from. But first, let me tell you a true story about a Chinese woman called May to illustrate my point.
May was twenty-nine years old and looking to marry a westerner. This was her ambition for many reasons, one very important one was financial security. The other was: she believed she would have more freedom in a relationship with a westerner, as opposed to a Chinese male. The problem with May was that May didn’t like sex, didn’t want sex and didn’t see it as part of her future marriage. This was a position May refused to change or deal with. Somehow, May had the idea that just marrying her potential western male husband was enough to ensure a happy marriage. This view, and others like it, is not uncommon in Chinese females. In my years in China I have learnt what to look out for, and will list the general types below:
1. A woman seeking a new life. Many of these types of women have been married and divorced before and are over the age of thirty. Finding that their traditional type of marriage didn’t work as expected, they are now veering to another extreme, which is marriage to a male totally outside of their own culture. By and large, these Chinese women make excellent wives as they have already learnt that a relationship takes effort and attention, which may well have been lacking on the part of their first husband within their marriage.
2. A woman in her late twenties, unmarried previously. Dependant on the region of China she is from; this can be highly unusual. In the south of China this is a common age for marriage. But if your potential wife is from the north of China it’s highly uncommon that she hasn’t been married before if she is in her late twenties. If she is from the north and has not been married before you really do need to pay extra attention to what kind of person she really is, as there are usually only a few reasons (due to restrictive culture) that she hasn’t been married by that age.
A. Her character was highly independent and she didn’t bow down to the family and societies pressure to marry at the accepted age in the north.
B. No man actually wanted to marry her due to some character flaw, in which case you too, should be highly circumspect (see the above example of May).
C. She spent her early to late twenties as a mistress (more common than you might imagine) to a married man, and now finds all the eligible males around her own age, in her country, to be already married and has few options left. Obviously the ‘A Type’ woman is the best choice out of these three. I have known Some Chinese women of this type, but I have known many more of Type ‘B’ and ‘C’. Find out which one she is.
3. A girl in her early twenties. I say girl and not woman in this case as, by comparison in China, a Chinese females’ maturity level is roughly five years less than a western females. So, take a girl who is twenty-one and minus five years to find her relative age of maturity by comparison to a western female. So in this case twenty-one equals the maturity of a sixteen year old female in a western country such as America, Canada, Britain, Australia and so on. This ‘maturity sliding scale’ has been noted by the vast majority of western males living in China for at least several years. Obviously it’s not one hundred percent true, but it does provide a very good benchmark to be going on. In the case of our girl in her early twenties, it’s highly unlikely she would have the maturity levels, or relationship experience, in order to face the numerous challenges a marriage with a westerner would entail. Probably best to choose a Chinese woman above the age of at least twenty-eight, unless the girl in her early twenties shows signs of developed maturity (not very common due to the culture, but also not un-heard of).
The above is just a general guide, but a very important one in my view. As more and more men are choosing to marry Chinese women it is really vital that you understand that, due to the culture, things with Chinese females are not always quite as they seem. It’s a big mistake to project your idea of cultural context onto Chinese women. It can lead to much heartbreak and misunderstandings at a later stage. In conclusion, the type mentioned in ‘point 1’ are by far the safest choice for a western male.